Celebrant Kim Kirkley

Historic Empire State Wedding

2012-02-15T08:06:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day is the unofficial kick off of wedding season and yesterday I had the opportunity to celebrate the holiday in a spectacular way. You may have heard of Event Planner Colin Cowie's wedding contest. Well, yesterday I became a part of history as I married a couple of gay men on top of the Empire State Building! I was humbled and excited to celebrate their 18 year journey to the altar. Here are some pictures of the spectacular event
http://gothamist.com/2012/02/14/same-sex_couple_weds_atop_empire_st.php#photo-5

Thank you Colin Cowie & the entire Colin Cowie Weddings team http://www.ColinCowieWeddings.com for allowing me to honor Phil and Shawn through ceremony!

Photographed by (Katie Sokoler/Gothamist)

Hidden in the Open: A Photographic Essay of 140-Years of Black Male Couples

2012-01-30T17:40:00.001-08:00

The history of African-American gay men is largely unwritten. Thank goodness for Historian Trent Kelly and his archives that features black male couples over the last 150 years! There are also pictures of their family and friends but the images of these couples are beautiful depictions of people whose stories have been ignored for too long. The late great Essex Hemphill noted that "Black men loving black men is a revolutionary act." It is wonderful to see historical images that show that black love is to be celebrated! From "Hidden in the Open: A Photographic Essay of 140-Years of Black Male Couples."

For more on this find visit http://colorlines.com/archives/2012/01/hidden_in_the_open_a_photographic_essay_of_140-years_of_afro-american_male_couples.html

Here is the direct link to the Flickr collection http://www.flickr.com/photos/hidden-in-the-open/sets/72157624480472079/detail/

Thank You Etta James for One of the Most Beautiful Wedding Songs Ever

2012-01-21T10:13:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPBGIBc3YV4&feature=related -- This is a video from 2009 of Etta James singing her classic, "At Last" on "Dancing with the Stars" with Max and Karina dancing to her signature hit. I am amazed with the quality of her voice as she sings sitting down! A true professional and an extraordinarily gifted artist, I am sure to hear this lovely song at many more elegant NYC weddings!

Here are the lyrics:

"At Last"

At last
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

Oh yeah yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

And I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Oh yeah yeah, and you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in Heaven
For you are mine at last

"‘Traditional’ Same-Sex Wedding Shines New Light On Marriage Equality"

2012-01-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

Here is a nice mention in an article on a same-sex wedding I performed in December 2011 at the Coral Househttp://gbmnews.com/wp/?p=168

January is a Great Time to Plan Your Wedding!

2012-01-11T08:48:00.001-08:00

Navigating wedding conflicts for spring/summer 2012 already! Brides and grooms, it is not too early to begin booking vendors! Please tell your friends!

Here I am at a beautiful destination wedding at Jefferson Market Garden, Greenwich Village, NYC!

BKS1Radio.com Appearance!

2012-01-06T08:34:00.000-08:00

I had the privilege of appearing on the Monique Donyale Show of BKS1 Radio last night where I talked about relationships and my book about self-love and self-acceptance, A Cheer for Brown Skin: For Anyone Who Could Use a Reminder of Their Own Beauty, available at Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Cheer-Brown-Skin-Kim-Kirkley/dp/1460965361

The host and her co-hosts are extremely gracious and kind. The discussion unguarded! If you would like to experience The Monique Donyale Show, here is your chance http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/19588552

Happy New Year!

"The Officiant"

2011-12-06T06:58:00.000-08:00

The New York Magazine article proclaiming me, "The Officiant" is now available online http://nymag.com/weddings/experts/2011/summer/officiant/

I am so thankful to be recognized for the work that I do from my heart in service to the joy of being alive!

Tune into Happiness!

2011-11-29T11:26:00.001-08:00

I invite you to join me on Twitter where I tweet at TuneintoHappy
or visit http://www.TuneintoHappiness.us

Popular Wedding Dates in 2012

2011-11-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

Did you know that there are popular days to be married? This year we had November 11, 2011 or 11.11.11 as I would hear it called by bride and grooms as they asked about my availability. It was also a Friday and Veteran's Day and the New York City Clerk's offices were closed.

Most of the wedding officiants that I know had multiple ceremonies on that day. I performed one in the Ampitheater of one of New York's newest and most breathtaking parks, The High Line in Greenwich Village.

The always lovely Ladies Pavillion operated like New York's little sweet wedding chapel. I enjoyed watching the couples and officiants negotiate the use of this iconic space.

Next year, I imagine that the popular wedding dates may be March 9, 2012 or 3.9.12; and perhaps August 10, 2012 or 8.10.12. Only time will tell but I do know that the brides and grooms who make their arrangements before the New Year will have their choice of the best locations and vendors!

Happy Holidays!

St. John the Divine Ties & Chez Josephine

2011-10-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

Today's New York TImes article, "Here Come the (Stylish) Grooms," touches on a fun aspect of marriage equality: What will the grooms or brides wear? When I recently married two wonderful men with a passion for musical theater at Chez Josephine, they both wore dark suits and ties with the same pattern in different colors. Very elegant. And there was a spiritual aspect to their outfits. As they noted, the ties' pattern reminded us of the windows of Saint John the Divine! After I delivered a heartfelt tribute to their 18 years together, their priest blessed their marriage. It was very moving to see representatives of the Roman Catholic Church attend and bless their union. In the struggle for equal rights and just for lgbt and all people, we are making progress and now we get dress up and celebrate!

Your Elegant Ceremony!

2011-10-19T10:45:00.000-07:00

My rallying cry is, "No Cookie-Cutter Ceremonies!" And, although it does make creating and delivering ceremonies more interesting for me, it is not about me. I devote my life to crafting heartfelt authentic ceremonies because I know that a ceremony has the potential to be an extraordinary experience for all to hear and appreciate. Whether it incorporates details of a couples love story, customized rituals or speaks to the values that unite them, each ceremony is a tribute to life, love and the power of choice. I believe that the only reason that we have been granted this human experience is to love and be loved. A personalized, ceremony gives all of us an opportunity to remember the power of love and not just between the bride and groom. A well-crafted ceremony helps us all to remember the preciousness of each being. It is love that brings all of your loved ones to share in your special day and it is love that allows us to see past all of the differences and difficulties that tend to contain us in everyday life. Many couples choose to have a personalized elegant ceremony in order to give their guests something special and I am thrilled to be a part of that offering.

Beautiful Backyard Garden Wedding

2011-10-18T15:29:00.000-07:00

This summer has been a whirlwind of beautiful, elegant, meaningful ceremonies. The couple pictured above, married in the garden of their Harlem brownstone and we began the ceremony this way:

Kim says a version of the Mohawk Prayer, part of the Great Law of Peace:

Ohén:ton Kariwatéhkwen,
(Oh-HON-dun Gah-ree-wah-DECK-wun)
The words before all else.

May we now gather our minds together as one,
And give greetings and thanks to one another
That we gather here in peace.
So our minds will continue to be.

May we gather our minds together as one
And give greetings and thanks to our Mother Earth who sustains us,
To the waters of life which quench our thirst,
To the vegetation and trees, to the birds and animals and fish, to the four winds, the thunder, the sun, the moon, the stars.
So our minds will continue to be.

We gather our minds together as one
And give greetings and thanks to the Creator for all the gifts of creation.
So our minds will continue to be.

I love that they chose to pay tribute to Native Americans and this wonderful message set the tone for a simply splendid ceremony that had 7 elements: Creating the environment, The invitation, The rousing, The center, The transformation, The aftermath, and the Blessing -- making it okay to return to the ordinary world.

It was a truly transformative experience and on the subway on my way to my next event I was tempted to tell strangers about this uplifting experience. This is the power of an authentic, organic ceremony that celebrates the couple, their history and their community. We remember the joy of being alive!

YAY! Marriage Equality in New York State!

2011-06-24T20:07:00.000-07:00

The couple you see in the picture traveled from Brooklyn to Connecticut to marry. It was a privilege to perform their ceremony. However, I am thrilled that in approximately 30 days same-sex couples can now marry in NEW YORK STATE! I am proud to be a New Yorker and look forward to legally uniting lgbt and non-gay couples. It is time to love and let love.

How to Write a Eulogy

2011-05-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

If you ever are asked to write or deliver a eulogy, a really helpful post can be found at www.MyLastSong.com:
A model eulogy from Robert Harris - My Last Song. I love that the author shares flattering and unflattering memories of the deceased and makes the person he is paying tribute to the most important aspect of the eulogy.

If you are looking for someone to help you draft a eulogy, feel free to call on me. You can read more about my work in paying tribute to people who have left their body at www.LifeStoryFuneralNYC.com.

Wishing you well,
Kim

The Art of Celebration

2011-05-16T15:09:00.000-07:00

I had the honor of being interviewed on "The Art of Celebration" by mediator and internet radio house, Bathabile. I invite you to listen to the hour long chat about my 9 years of performing weddings, baby-welcomings, funerals and other life events.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bathabile/2011/05/15/the-art-of-celebration?sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4dd115c875c936a9%2C0

Bathabile also writes an extremely helpful blog: http://123untangle.com/ . I referred a friend to it today in order to help her untangle a professional relationship. I am very grateful to be a part of her work.

Cheers!
Kim

The Japanese Hill & Pond Garden @ Brooklyn Botanic Garden

2011-05-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

Is there any where more beautiful than the Japanese Hill & Pond Garden during Cherry Blossom season?
This lovely couple had their first date here two years ago and it was a privilege to deliver their vows
on this beautiful spring morning!

Funerals too...

2011-05-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I performed an especially moving funeral. The funeral was a beautiful tribute to an amazing woman. I am honored to have been able to share the day with her loving family, especially her grand-daughter who put her heart in making this a memorable event worthy of her grandmother's spirit.

My new funeral/memorials website is:
www.LifeStoryFuneralNYC.com

Life Story Funerals NYC

2011-05-09T07:06:00.000-07:00

Do you wish you knew someone who would share your loved one's life story with sincerity, heart and professionalism without judging or preaching during their funeral or memorial? Please visit and learn more about the funerals and memorials I custom tailor.

While leaving Saturday's wedding, I received a call that the grandmother of a bride I married about 3 years ago had left her body. I am honored to be crafting and delivering her funeral on Tuesday. The circle of life....

Working on tomorrow's funeral reminds me of how important it is that we talk to our elders about their lives before it is too late. I met this woman when she was vibrant with life and I know that there are stories of her trials and triumphs that, sadly, will never be told again. If you would like help getting to know more about your loved ones, please direct mail me: CelebrantKim@gmail.com. I would be glad to help.

2011-03-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

I finally saw one & I cried

2011-03-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

It usually happens once in a lifetime. Sometimes it happens so quickly and you are so emotional that you can't remember it. Having performed more than 450 wedding ceremonies over the past 9 years, I hear about them all the time. That's right -- I am talking about a proposal of marriage!

Toward the end of a church service, a gentleman was handed the microphone. Since a couple of weeks before he spoke about the upcoming retreat, this wasn't unusual. When he called his girlfriend to join him we started to wonder if maybe something special was about to happen. He talked about how the first time he appeared before us he described his girlfriend as his other half but that didn't feel right. He then took to one knee and presented her with a ring. I can't remember what he said after that. I can tell you that I was crying and so were so many people in the congregation. Then his beloved took the microphone and said "YES!" She went on to say that she is 56 years old and this is her first marriage and she encouraged us to continue to believe in love. By the way, in case you are interested she is a beautiful African American woman and he is a joyful white American man. I thank them for being a living example of true love and allowing me to see the aspect of a couple's love story that I often miss.

The other thing that I wish to share with grooms everywhere is that you can propose many times! If the first proposal doesn't feel romantic or you and your beloved were to nervous to remember it. Do it again!

A proposal of marriage is an enchanting thing!

A Friend is a Friend but Not a Ceremony Professional

2011-03-02T11:54:00.000-08:00

My friends mean the world to me so I understand why some brides and grooms think having a friend perform their ceremony may be a good idea. But wait a minute.... A wedding ceremony is a once in a lifetime experience. It calls up all kinds of emotions and concerns. I have seen trained actors become overwhelmed while speaking during a wedding ceremony. It can be a touching moment but do you really want everyone's attention to be diverted to concern for your friend? It is your wedding day. I humbly suggest that, if you do not have a ceremony professional in your life already it may be best to hire one. Remember a wedding is an unusual and highly emotion time for everyone. Entrust your ceremony to an officiant who has a proven track record of delivering high quality ceremonies!

The Panicked Interfaith Bride

2011-02-02T13:00:00.000-08:00

The bride called me the day before her wedding asking me to perform her wedding ceremony. Believe it or not, I had heard the story before. A friend of the family is a pastor and he was to perform their ceremony. This couple even went through marriage education classes with the pastor. They thought they were all on the same page with the content of their wedding ceremony. The bride was raised as a Jehovah Witness and the groom, Protestant. They wanted a ceremony that would not make anyone uncomfortable. They thought the Pastor understood and agreed. It wasn't until the day before the ceremony that they knew they would have to find someone else who would follow their wishes. I had the time available and I was glad to help.

However, I wish more brides and grooms knew that they could have "word for word" approval of their ceremony's script. Do you know any engaged couples who don't have a shared house of worship? I hope you will help me to spread the word that couples can partner with Celebrants who believe that the ceremony belongs to the bride and groom and that it is our privilege to professionally deliver a custom tailored ceremony for all to hear and appreciate!

Celebrant Kim Kirkley receives WeddingWire Bride’s Choice Award!

2011-01-26T15:40:00.000-08:00

{Brooklyn, New York} – {January 27, 2011} - WeddingWire, the nation’s leading wedding technology company, is thrilled to announce Celebrant Kim Kirkley of www.OurElegantCeremony.com has been selected to receive the prestigious annual WeddingWire Bride’s Choice Awards™ 2011 for officiants!

Recognition for the Bride’s Choice Awards™ 2011 is determined by recent reviews and extensive surveys from over 750,000 WeddingWire newlyweds. Our past clients are among those that shared their experiences on WeddingWire, the largest wedding review site in the nation.

Celebrant Kim Kirkley of www.OurElegantCeremony.com stands among the top five percent of wedding professionals in the WeddingWire community, representing quality and service excellence within the wedding industry. Awards were given to the top wedding professionals across 20 service categories, from wedding venues to wedding photographers, and were based on the overall professional achievements throughout the past year.

“WeddingWire is honored to celebrate the success of the top-rated wedding professionals within the WeddingWire community,” said Timothy Chi, WeddingWire’s Chief Executive Officer. “With the annual Bride’s Choice Awards™ program, WeddingWire has the unique opportunity to recognize the best wedding professionals across the US and Canada. We applaud Celebrant Kim Kirkley of www.OurElegantCeremony.com for her professionalism and dedication to enhancing the wedding planning experience last year.”

We are happy to announce that Celebrant Kim Kirkley of www.OurElegantCeremony.com is among the very best officiants within the WeddingWire Network, which includes leading wedding planning sites WeddingWire, Martha Stewart Weddings, Project Wedding and Weddingbee. We would like to thank our past clients for nominating us to receive the Bride’s Choice Awards™ 2011.

For more information, please visit our WeddingWire Storefront today at http://www.weddingwire.com/vendor/VendorViewStoreFront?mode=edit&tab=profile.

For more information on the Bride’s Choice Awards™ 2011, please visit www.WeddingWire.com.

About WeddingWire, Inc.
WeddingWire.com, the nation's leading technology company serving the $70 billion wedding industry, is the only online wedding planning resource designed to empower both engaged couples and wedding professionals. For engaged couples, WeddingWire offers the ability to search, compare and book over 200,000 local wedding vendors, from wedding venues to wedding photographers to wedding cakes. WeddingWire also offers an online community and a suite of cutting-edge planning tools for weddings, including wedding websites and wedding checklists, all at no charge. For wedding professionals, WeddingWire provides free online management tools creating the only market opportunity that gives local businesses control over their clients, reviews, leads and performance. Businesses that join the WeddingWire Network appear on WeddingWire.com and other leading sites, including MarthaStewartWeddings.com (NYSE: MSO), ProjectWedding.com and Weddingbee.com (both part of eHarmony), and Celebrations.com (part of the 1-800-Flowers family of brands, NASDAQ: FLWS).

How are you going to make it legal?

2011-01-12T15:02:00.000-08:00

Congratulations on your engagement! Most engagements happen during the holiday season and now as the reality of wedding planning sets in you are left with what can be a daunting question: How are you going to make it legal? Who is going to say the words that transform your wedding ceremony from something mechanical and pro forma to something filled with the joy of your unity and reverence for all of your loved ones.

For the last 9 years I have specialized in creating individually crafted ceremonies that meaningfully and authentically reflect each couple's vision for their wedding ceremony. As you look for the officiant to make your union "legal," I encourage you to look for someone who brings their whole heart to your ceremony and has a proven history of delivering ceremonies with sincerity and professionalism.

If you are at all interested in my service, I encourage you to read my website -- http://www.OurElegantCeremony.com, especially the "Interview with Kim" section. This will give you a sense of who I am as a person and why I do this beautiful, life enhancing work.

Greenwich Regency Hyatt

2010-09-23T08:05:00.001-07:00

The Greenwich Regency Hyatt, Greenwich, Connecticut was the beautiful location for the marriage of two wonderful women. The staff of the hotel was extremely helpful and the couple's joy was life-affirming. Their guests and I enjoyed everything about their wedding day -- from the contemporary music played by a violin and cello to the poems and Bible readings by dear friends. Everything came together to create a meaningful, memorable celebration of true love!

2010-09-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

What do leading religions and research agree on?

2010-08-23T07:59:00.000-07:00

I am relishing Friday night's wedding - the bride and groom, both scientists, at sunset had me read from the Quran, the Torah, the Bible and quoted scientific research.

Here's what I said:

The three most influential religions in the world all hold marriage in great esteem.

Allah, the most Gracious says about spouses in Quran:
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect.
Qur'an [30 : 21] (Surah Ar-Rum)

Allah says:
... they are a garment for you and you are a garment to them ...
Qur'an [2 : 187] (Surah Baqarah)

It requires that a husband and wife should be as garments for each other. Just as garments are for protection, comfort, show and concealment for human beings, Allah expects husbands and wives to be for one another.

In the Torah Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4
Give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage.

In the New Testament First Corinthians, Chapter 7 verse10
But unto the married I give charge, [yea] not I, but the Lord, That the wife depart not from her husband.

And, based on scientific research, As Martin Seligman notes in Authentic Happiness, "Marriage is a more potent happiness factor than satisfaction with job, or finances, or community.' In fact, there are few stronger predictors of happiness than a close, nurturing, equitable, intimate, lifelong companionship with one's best friend.' It is the married who have best withstood the privations of rural poverty, the Great Depression, and wars." Marriage gives us the three kinds of love that we need to feel happy: the love of one who comforts us (like a child for a parent); the love of one who depends on us (like a parent for a child) and romantic love (the idealization of a peer). Marriage is a distinct social relationship that brings all of these needs together, as one.

Transcendent moments that a well-crafted ceremony can invoke...

2010-07-07T14:54:00.001-07:00

Nabokov says in Speak Memory: "It is certainly not then---not in dreams---but when one is wide awake, at moments of robust joy and achievement, on the highest terrace of consciousness, that mortality has a chance to peer beyond its own limits." I love crafting and delivering ceremonies that help listeners appreciate the joy and wonder of life and our connections to each other. Beyond our limits we know that we are here on planet earth together and we value each other. Indeed, it is our connections to each other that give our lives meaning. Besides our deathbed, a meaningful ceremony is one of the few times that we can come close to fully appreciating our journeys together on this beautiful earth. Live life with joy, wonder and authenticity! It is a gift.

Modern Minister? Celebrant?

2010-06-14T13:46:00.000-07:00

I like to describe myself as a Modern Minister or Celebrant.

modern |_mäd_rn|
adjective
of or relating to the present or recent times as opposed to the remote past : the pace of modern life | modern Chinese history.
• characterized by or using the most up-to-date techniques, ideas, or equipment : they do not have modern weapons.
• [ attrib. ] denoting the form of a language that is currently used, as opposed to any earlier form : modern German.
• [ attrib. ] denoting a current or recent style or trend in art, architecture, or other cultural activity marked by a significant departure from traditional styles and values : Matisse's contribution to modern art.

minister |_min_st_r|
noun
1 (also minister of religion) a member of the clergy, esp. in Protestant churches.
• (also minister general) the superior of some religious orders.
2 (in certain countries) a head of a government department : Britain's defense minister.
• a diplomatic agent, usually ranking below an ambassador, representing a state or sovereign in a foreign country.
3 archaic a person or thing used to achieve or convey something : the Angels are ministers of the Divine Will.

The ceremonies that I co-create with couples all reflect a modern understanding of the most widely recognized contemporary, rite of passage -- marriage. A modern marriage recognizes the inherent equality of both parties and is not limited to couples of different sexes. Of course, as we noted in an earlier post, same-sex unions are not new. See Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe by John Boswell, Vintage, 1995. There are also recorded instances of same-sex unions in premodern African societies and other premodern societies.

celebrant |_sel_br_nt|
noun
1 a person who performs a rite, esp. a priest at the Eucharist.
2 a person who celebrates something.
ORIGIN mid 19th cent.: from French célébrant or Latin celebrant- ‘celebrating,’ from the verb celebrare (see celebrate ).

So, as you plan your marriage, please do not feel confused or frustrated. Rest assured that there are modern ministers and Celebrants who would love to create your marriage ceremony in a way that reflects your distinct love, joy and commitment.

When you are seeking the ideal Celebrant/Modern Minister for your ceremony, notice whether s/he takes the time to get to know you and your desires. How does this person make you feel? Would you like to hear this person's voice, amplified? A wedding ceremony is a rare occassion in our lives. Your Celebrant should appreciate the importance of the ceremony and be your sincere, representative as you celebrate the love that has changed your life.

Certified and ordained Life-Cycle Celebrants have studied marriage throughout the ages and will cherish your love story and incorporate any and all rituals that reflect your joy in the present and your hopes for your future. No cookie-cutter ceremonies!

Marriage is an Ever-Evolving Institution

2010-06-11T06:53:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I love about Celebrant led unions is that they are built on ideas and rituals from many different cultures. Marriage is an ever-evolving institution. Historically marriages were created for economic security. Wives were considered the property of their husbands. Many marriages were arranged by parents so that their families economic interests would be protected and flourish. During the U.S. period of enslavement, captives were prohibited from marrying. In 1967 the U.S. Supreme Court struck down the 16 state laws that prohibited and punished people who married across color lines, declaring marriage a fundamental right.

Today, marriage recognizes the inherent dignity and equality of women and men across racial, religious and ethnic lines. Connecticut and Massachusetts and a handful of other states, recognize same-sex unions. In the coming years, even if no other state recognizes same-sex couples unions legally, as individuals we all will probably know a same-sex couple. I offer you this section to give you some historical background about same-sex marriage rites and hopefully increase your comfort around these ideas. On their wedding day, no couple, gay or not, should not feel like they are walking onto a battlefield.

Marriage is....

2010-06-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

In the decision making gay marriage legal in the state of Massachusetts, Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall writes,

“Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return, it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations....Without question, civil marriage enhances the welfare of the community. It is a social institution of the highest importance.... Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family...Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and [a] connection that expresses our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition.”

I hope that one day all loving couples, not just those in Massachusetts, Connecticut and a handful of other states, will have the option to be married, if they so choose.

Loving & Same-Sex Marriage

2010-06-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

As the years go on I perform more and more same-sex weddings. Many New York couples are marrying in Connecticut and thanks to Governor Patterson, those marriages are recognized and given the same rights as all other marriages in New York State. I, of course, travel to Connecticut in order to perform a wedding for loving couples of every sexual orientation who desire a meaningful, elegant, ceremony experience.

Those who have an appreciation for history know that this is not the first time that loving couples have had to leave their home state in order to marry. June 12, 2007 marked the 40th anniversary of Loving v. Virginia - a landmark civil rights case in which the United States Supreme Court ended race-based restrictions on marriage. On that day, Mildred Loving voiced her support for ALL to have the freedom to marry.
She said:

“Richard and I took our case for the freedom to marry all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. And on June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously that, “The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men [and women],” a “basic civil right.”
My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right... But I have lived long enough now to see big changes.

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the “wrong kind of person” for me to marry.
I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard’s and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and loving, are all about.”

Cheers for love, Loving and marriage equality!

Happy LGBT Pride Month

2010-06-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

Are you "Kule?"

2010-04-26T06:43:00.000-07:00

"The Swahili word kule means "in between" or "neither-this-way-nor-that." Kule people are highly valued because they are unbiased but not apathetic. Their passionate objectivity allows them to imagine a common ground that's in the best interests of both sides in a conflict, thereby promoting an organic form of harmony. "To be kule is to rule," says Crim." ~ Rob Brezsny, "Pronoia is the Antidote for Paranoia."

I find that most of my clients are Kule and I love it! Being "in-between" traditions or mindsets allows us to create a ceremony that celebrates each couple, distinctly and meaningfully. I find that this degree of authenticity touches people's hearts and allows the joy of the gathering and the love that brings the couple and all of their guests together to echo for years to come.

If you are kule and interested in learning more about me and my approach to celebrating marriage, I would love to talk with you!

Cheers!

Award-Winning Wedding Officiant, Announces New Focus on Lawyers

2010-04-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

Brooklyn, New York (PRWEB) April 13, 2010 – “Lawyers who are marrying tend to require a detail-oriented officiant, able to infuse their ceremonies with joy as well as incorporate constitutional politics and gender equality,” says modern interfaith minister Kim Kirkley. “I have found that my background as a lawyer helps me to connect with other lawyers who know what they do not want but are not sure how to have a ceremony experience that is as authentic and meaningful as the love they have found. My clients tell me that they do not want a traditional ceremony and nothing sappy, saccharine or cookie-cutter will do. They really value the singular opportunity to celebrate having found a loving partner along with the thrill of having most of their loved ones together celebrating life!”

Celebrant Kirkley, a Rutgers University graduate worked for Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund and other public interest organizations before becoming and interfaith minister. Kim tends to perform wedding ceremonies and other rites of passage in Manhattan, Brooklyn and throughout the tri-state area, says that while other officiants might find lawyers ideas exacting she finds it easy and fun to help engaged lawyers create meaningful, joyful ceremony experiences. “Engaged lawyers are not usually “Bridezillas,” hypnotized by the fluff of a wedding. Instead, lawyers usually focus on the underlying purpose of the ceremony and believe that every word in the ceremony should authentically reflect their beliefs and values. That perspective makes lawyers my ideal couples so, since I share a similar sensibility, I have decided to focus on this intelligent, iconoclastic group.”

Here’s what Julie Strom, Esq., who married another lawyer at the Palm House, Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, says about their experience with Kim: “As Evan and I planned our wedding, one thing that was most important to us was the ceremony itself, and making sure we were going to be married by someone who understood us and our values. We are an inter-faith couple and decided to craft our own personalized ceremony rather than rely on a traditional or religious version. After one meeting with Kim, we knew she was the perfect Celebrant for us. We felt like she was taking the time to ensure that the ceremony would reflect our personalities and values. The ceremony was exactly how we envisioned. Afterwards, we got countless compliments on how personal the ceremony was, how much it reflected ‘us’ and our personalities, and how honored people were to have been a part of it. It was all we could have hoped for, and even better!”
With her focus on lawyers, Celebrant and Modern Minister Kim Kirkley seeks to help couples who desire a wedding ceremony that reflects their values and meaningfully celebrates love for them and their guest. This new focus should enhance the lives of engaged lawyers and other independent thinkers who are looking for meaning and authenticity on their wedding day.
For additional information on the Kirkley’s ceremony practice and focus on lawyers contact Kim Kirkley or visit www.OurElegantCeremony.com.

Contact:
Kim Kirkley, Interfaith Minister & Celebrant, 718.753.1993, ordained in 2002, has performed more than 400 ceremonies in New York City and throughout the tri-state area and received the Modern Bride Trendsetter award along with Vera Wang and Wolfgang Puck. http://www.OurElegantCeremony.com

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Have You Seen My Rave Reviews?

2010-02-11T09:04:00.001-08:00

Wedding Wire rates officiants! http://www.weddingwire.com/vendor/VendorViewRating?mode=edit&tab=reviews&z=z

Is Marriage Worth It?

2010-01-11T17:07:00.000-08:00

If you want to be really happy, marriage is virtually the only external change you can make to be the happiest you can be. Surprised? I was too. Let's face it. Marriage gets a bad rap. But, that's just wrong. Marriage is not a dying or dreaded institution. In fact, 96% of college students, according to a Louis Harris survey intend to marry or are already married. They know that “having close family relationships is a key to happiness,” as reported in "Generation 2001: A Survey of the First College Graduating Class of the New Millennium," conducted in 1997-1998 by Louis Harris and Associates for Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance.

In almost every way, people in secure romantic relationships just do better. Experience shows us that marriage is a cushion for life's inevitable bumps. With the state of the world, we could all use a better cushion.

So how do you strengthen your marriage?

Marriage researcher John Gottman (www.gottman.com) has found that it takes an extra five hours per week for a couple to improve their marriages. Here is what they do:

Tip number one: When saying goodbye in the morning they find out at least one thing their partner will do during the day. (2 minutes x 5 days = 10 minutes)
Tip number 2: At the end of the day they have a stress free reunion conversation. (20 minutes x 5 days = 1 hour, 40 minutes)
Tip number 3: Touching, holding, kissing, grabbing - in a word, affection, imbued with tenderness and forgiveness. (5 minutes x 7 days = 35 minutes)
Tip number 4: Date night - just the two of them not talking about the kids or troubles - it's all about their love. (2 hours once a week)
Tip number 5: At least once every day genuinely admire and appreciate their partner. (5 minutes x 7 days - 35 minutes)

Why put in the work?

As Martin Seligman notes in Authentic Happiness, "Marriage is a more potent happiness factor than satisfaction with job, or finances, or community.' In fact, there are few stronger predictors of happiness than a close, nurturing, equitable, intimate, lifelong companionship with one's best friend.' It is the married who have best withstood the privations of rural poverty, the Great Depression, and wars."

Marriage gives us the three kinds of love that humans need to feel happy: the love of one who comforts us (like a child for a parent); the love of one who depends on us (like a parent for a child) and romantic love (the idealization of a peer). Marriage is an awe-inspiring relationship that brings all of these needs together, as one.

So, yes, marriage is worth it. And, the more you work it, the better it gets. On to a sweeter, stronger cushion - a happier marriage!

Two More!

2009-12-18T11:27:00.000-08:00

Coindre Hall, Huntington, New York!
The Empire State Building, New York, New York!
These are the sites of two more extraordinary weddings that I performed in 2009.
Christopher Duggan of www.ThresholdVisions.com took the magical photos above. Does it get any dreamier than this?

Happy Holidays to All! Here's to a prosperous, healthy, stupendous 2010!

Cheers!
Kim

Ceremonies Better than Imagined!

2009-12-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

The 2009 wedding season has been spectacular! This year I had the privilege of creating and performing inspiring, heart-centered ceremonies with independent thinking couples in many beautiful venues that I visited for the first time:

On a Row Boat in the Pond at Central Park, NY, NY!
The Bridgehampton Tennis and Surf Club, Bridgehampton, NY
Duckwalk Vineyards North, Southold, New York
The Vanderbilt, Staten Island, NY
The Soho House, New York, NY
Dyker Beach Golf Course, Brooklyn, NY
The River Room of Harlem, Riverbank State Park, NY, NY
New Song Community Church, New York, NY
6BC Botanical Garden, NY, NY
The Gramercy Park Hotel, NY, NY
Raphael Vineyard and Winery, Peconic, NY
24 Fifth Avenue @ Washington Park, New York, NY
Jericho Terrace, Mineola, New York

And, of course, I loved returning to some of the most beautiful places in the world:
Iconic Central Park --
Hernshead, Ladies Pavillion, Bow Bridge, Angel of the Waters Fountain at Bethesda Terrace, Gapstow Bridge
The Boathouse at Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY
The Brooklyn Society for Ethical Culture, Brooklyn, NY
The Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, Brooklyn, NY
The Metropolitan Building, Long Island City, NY
Bridgewaters, New York, New York
The Waldorf-Astoria, NY, NY
The Midtown Loft, NY, NY
Studio 450, New York, New York

As we enter the "Engagement Season" I would really appreciate it if you suggest that any couple
who would like a wedding ceremony that is meaningful, distinctly theirs and unforgettable visit
my website: www.OurElegantCeremony.com and see if I may be the right choice for them as they
craft their ceremony and set the tone for the grand adventure ahead!

You Experience the Most Elegant, Personalized Ceremony You Have Ever Imagined -- Or It's Free!!!

2009-11-03T09:31:00.000-08:00

My Promise to You:

"If all you want is a cookie-cutter, 'change the bride and groom's names ceremony,' I respectfully ask that you call someone else. You and your guests will feel that my delivery of your elegant, authentic ceremony is teh most meaningful, memorable and sincere ceremony you have ever heard or your money back! You ceremony -- this once in a lifetime opportunity to appreciate life and love -- will be delivered with genuine emotion for all to hear and appreciate. If you are not pleased, I will refund your payment!" ~ Kim Kirkley

Here is another testimonial:
Dear Kim,
We cannot thank you enough for making our wedding day ever so memorable. Our guests all noted that you made each and everyone of them feel part of the ceremony, both on a personal and spiritual level. Ronnie and I feel privileged to have had you as our Celebrant, consecrating our bond.
Warmest regards,
Amy & Ronnie
Their ceremony took place at The Waldorf-Astoria

* 100% Moneyback Guarantee
* Same-Sex Couples Welcome
* Elegant, Authentic Ceremony Process TM
* Pre/Marital Coaching Available
* Payment Plans Available

Don't Gamble When Choosing the Person Who Sets the Tone for Your Ceremony, Wedding Day & the Grand Adventure that Lays Ahead!

Celebrant Kim Kirkley is dedicated to making your ceremony elegant, distinctly yours and unforgettable! Since 2002, she has personally celebrated more than 400 weddings -- so she won't be "practicing" on yours.

Raving Fan!

2009-10-30T11:09:00.000-07:00

This couple went through premarital Coaching with me and are just wonderful!

Kim,

Thank you so much for participating in our big day. We’ve had a number of compliments about the ceremony and your performance under less than ideal weather conditions. We had a wonderful time, were pleased with how things went, and really enjoyed working with you. And personally, until we met at the Marriot I couldn’t see how we were going to do a ceremony at all. Working with you really helped me see what was possible in a ceremony, and that it was possible to transform something that has a lot of weight and tradition into something that we felt a connection to. One of my few regrets is that after spending so much time with you we didn’t get to visit with you more on Saturday, but I feel that way about the guests too as we were being pulled in 105 directions at once.

We hope you enjoyed yourself Saturday, and we hope to see you again in the future!

Thank you again!
Ed

Baby Dedication, Baptism, Welcoming, Naming Ceremony

2009-06-07T18:34:00.000-07:00

I am delighted that I have been performing more baby dedications, blessings, baptisms, naming and welcoming ceremonies in the NYC area. Depending on the belief system, these ceremonies are called many things. There is one thing that every one of them shares, a sense of boundless joy and optimism because there is a new life in the family. Baby dedications are wonderful because they give unaffiliated families a meaningful and heartfelt way to celebrate. Many times the parents are couples I have married, other times they are folks who found me just to honor their child. The couple you see above are my neighbors and I was thrilled to performed their darling daughter's dedication. It is a wonderful thing to be able to help people honor their families, ancestors and feel a part of their community. I look forward to celebrating many more new arrivals.

One thing that many people often don't consider is having a welcoming ceremony for a child that is in your life due to marriage or adoption. I believe that we need to find a way to let every child in our families and communities know that we are glad to share this earth with them. As an African proverb states, "Children are the reward of life." A ceremony is a great way for all of us to cherish these living treasures.

A Bride & Groom Make a Difference in Bed-Stuy

2009-05-04T13:59:00.001-07:00

Here's the press release for a wonderful event. Jen and Hooper, the couple that I married on April 5, 2009 in Central Park at the Ladies Pavillion, made a sizable donation to the Bedford Stuyvesant Volunteer Ambulance Corp. In a gesture of good will, I donated my services to the couple and in turn they presented a donation to the award-winning volunteer ambulance corp in my under-served community. The Bedford-Stuyvesant Volunteer Ambulance Corp is a grass-roots organization that saves lives and over the years has fostered the careers of 5 doctors, and hundreds of emergency medical technicians. Their website is http://www.bsvac.org.

PRESS RELEASE

RECESSION REJECTION: WEDDING CELEBRANT AND HER CLIENTS CONTINUE TO GIVE IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES
A marriage unites the boroughs in action for a worthy cause when a wedding Celebrant trades her services for donation to a volunteer ambulance service.

Queens couple Jen Bandini and Hooper Turner were planning their wedding and searching for a secular officiant to perform the ceremony. The two artists were working on a tight budget yet, but as soon as they met Kim Kirkley, they knew they wanted her to officiate. Kirkley, a Brooklyn resident, offered her services in exchange for a donation to a charity. Together they chose the Bedford-Stuyvesant Volunteer Ambulance Corps, the nation’s first minority-run volunteer ambulance corps, which was founded in 1988. The donation will be made in person to this award-winning community group on….

As weddings can often be self-centered events, Bandini and Turner welcomed the opportunity to give aid to others while celebrating their union. They also feel that Kirkley’s willingness to trade her time in order to enable this act of charity deems her a caring and conscientious person, exactly the kind of person they would wish to officiate. The couple have an interest in community groups as Bandini has helped start and run a program that donates books to prisoners in the Southeast as well as a volunteer-run vegan café and library in the Northwest. Both have been teachers, and welcome any opportunity to better their community.

Kirkley was the one who introduced the couple to the BSVAC. A Modern Bride Trendsetter and modern minister since 2002, Kim Kirkley of www.OurElegantCCeremony.com was troubled that economic concerns were preventing people from giving to worthy organizations like the Bedford Stuyvesant Volunteer Ambulance Corp, who are operating out of a trailer as they wait for their new facility to be finished. Having moved to Bed-Stuy in the last year, Kirkley, is impressed by BSVAC’s commitment to providing emergency medical response to this underserved area. Kirkley says, “I like knowing that people in my neighborhood have access to quick, professional care in emergency situations. No one plans to need an ambulance and we know that the quicker someone receives help the more likely it is that they will be able to make a full recovery. I like feeling that the donation of my services and Jen and Hooper’s financial contribution will make it easier for BSVAC to do what they do so well – help a neighbor at a crucial time. Their volunteer efforts are the kinds of things that make Bed-Stuy a wonderful place to live. I am glad to be able to honor BSVAC in this way.”

Celebrant YouTube Video

2009-03-12T19:47:00.000-07:00

The Celebrant Foundation has created a new video that describes the elation, openess and joy of a Celebrant led ceremony. My remarks are featured in it! Take a look...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NALw-4eHkI

Poked By a Christian on the "C" Train

2009-03-06T07:41:00.000-08:00

It’s Wednesday - my “me” day, I’m listening to my ipod and dozing on the train to Manhattan, when I’m poked! I look up and a young guy with a bit of facial hair and a blank look is standing in front of me. “That’s not cool, man!” Having officiated at more than 400 wedding ceremonies and practiced law on and off for 15 years, that’s all I could think to say!?!

As a modern minister who specializes in creating custom tailored weddings, I tend to work evenings and weekends. Wednesdays I spend mornings with my niece at toddler story time at my local library. I call it the happiest hour of the week. We sing happy songs with babies. Then we watch the kids play with toys and get to know each other and share the trials and triumphs of life with toddlers. Then I go for acupuncture. Anyone can see why I savor my Wednesdays.

With all that being said, who would want to be poked on a subway? I could tell Pokey didn’t mean any harm. He didn’t look like the kind of kid who was familiar with NYC subway etiquette. The Poker looks over to a very tall stern young guy. It seemed like Pokey was “just following orders.” So, I look at the big guy, I’m not captivated by him or the literature they passed out. I go back to dozing and listening to a spiritual talk. Ironic, huh? Then the big guy starts raging at me. I don’t believe he was pointing but he was definitely shouting. I can’t really hear him since I am listening to Abraham Hicks talk about spiritual principles and the law of attraction. He says something about his church. I remember Iyanla VanZant’s wise direction, “When you see crazy coming, cross the street.” As the train continues to rock and roll toward Manhattan, I change my seat. I’m not afraid just annoyed. Here I am peacefully getting in touch with my own appreciation for the divine and they intend to disturb my peace and plunge me into their own Crazytown Christianity. Uh, no thank you?

Do they really think this is the way to share their message? How could I feel anything but offend by being poked out of my peace? One of my favorite quotes is “Lord, please protect me from your followers!” I can’t help but wonder if my prayer called these kooks to me. As I get off the train, I see that the Rager, Pokey and friends get off too. And, I see a cop. I briefly think about telling the police officer that I had been “assaulted.” I quickly throw that idea away. I hope Pokey got the idea that you don’t touch sleeping people on the subway. I hope Rager takes a sedative and gets some anger management training.

I refuse to demonize them. I am examining the ways in which I have been so attached to my point of view that I couldn’t, wouldn’t respect another person’s experience. I tend to have good social skills, so for me it is not about touching strangers on the subway. But, I know I have given my sister advice she didn’t request or judged someone’s for not picking up a crying child. I am getting better at these things but I remember being contemptuous of happy people. Thinking --how dare they be happy when people are hurting and there is injustice and what about their eternal soul? Maybe they were operating on the wisdom of Mark 8:35:
“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

I wonder if that is what those kids thought when they saw me? I probably was slightly smiling. That tends to be my way. Besides, I was listening to principles that inspire me. They had something that they thought would save me. Here is the lesson that this experience reinforces for me: We can never know what is going on in another person’s head. Here, I was accessing my own salvation and because they couldn’t here what was going on in my head, they assumed they had something better. I respectfully ask that each of us -- when confronted by a situation where it seems like we have the solution and the other person is too boneheaded to notice – that we take a step back and simply ask if we can offer something. Then listen and follow the response. To push our point of view only pushes the other person away. Let us respect people enough to allow them to listen to the voices they choose. Anything else is like poking oneself in the eye.

Until the next time,
Kim

Feeling lucky?

2009-02-10T10:32:00.000-08:00

The purpose of many wedding customs is to make sure the couple has a lucky, fruitful marriage. Have you ever wondered why a bride is to be carried across the threshold? Evil spirits were thought to live in the threshold and they were supposed to easily get through the souls of the feet. It seems that grooms were thought immune, the evil spirits seem to be in the hearth to protect those who dwell in the house, but, as a "stranger" the bride was susceptible. Therefore, she needed to be carried across the threshold in order to escape harm. Once she dwells in the home, then those family spirits would see her as one of "theirs" and not be inclined to harm her.

Do you intend to be carried across the threshold?

Why do we wear the wedding ring on that finger?

2009-02-09T10:30:00.000-08:00

Ancient Egyptians believed that a vein of love went directly to the heart. By placing the ring on the third finger of the left hand you capture your beloved's heart. Although science has shown there is no such direct connection, this practice continues to this day.

Thinking About Tradition or Why Do the Bridesmaids Dress Alike?

2008-12-13T16:34:00.000-08:00

The wedding ceremonies I perform tend to be a really interesting blend of the old and the new.
The upcoming blog entries will focus on the meaning behind the traditions that are a part of most
American wedding ceremonies.

The first question is "Why do bridesmaids dress alike?" Off the top of the head someone might think maybe it is
so that the bride will shine and her ties to her girlfriends will be evident. It turns out in olden times : )
the bridesmaids would all dress alike and their outfits would be very similar to the bride's attire in order to confuse
any evil spirits!

So, if you are thinking about giving your attendants a little more "say" in their outfits and you are not worried about
evil spirits, that may be a tradition to let go.

2008-11-24T19:34:00.000-08:00

I am continually amazed at the technological advances that help us to communicate. A wedding can be a big production. Here are three wedding websites that will help you to stay in touch with family and friends as you prepare for you wedding day.

www.engagepage.com
www.nearlyweds.com
www.wedquarters.com

Enjoy the journey!

2008-11-10T19:27:00.000-08:00

I’ve come to believe that the purpose of ceremony is to allow us to step outside of our ordinary life and to see what really matters in life. It’s as if we get to stand between two worlds: the world we can see and the world we can feel. A wedding ceremony is meaningful when we feel connected to each other -- regardless of any religious or political differences. When I am delivering a ceremony, I love to see guests drawing closer to each other, reaching for each other's hands to hold and tearing up as they reflect on the emotions that my words invoke. It means so much more than just sitting in a row with people to your left and your right. I'm proud to say the type of ceremonies I perform touch hearts and helps all of us to appreciate the wonder of life and love.

Attract Your Happiness Now!

2008-11-06T14:01:00.000-08:00

Introducing the Magnetic Happiness Attraction System
The easiest and most authentic way
to become happier,
improve your relationships and
enhance your life

Make this Thanksgiving your happiest yet!

• Are you attracting enough joy in your life?
• Would you like to spring out of bed, thrilled to begin your day?
• Are you worried that, if you don’t do something different, things just won’t get better for you?
• Do you believe that if given the tools to make your life better, you would use them?

Dear Friend:

Suppose you found a way to feel better about your life and your self and actually have people ASKING you for the secret to your good life? Sounds crazy? Let me explain. Not long ago I was sitting where you may be now. I was tired and very, very sad. After reaching my goal of becoming a civil rights lawyer, I couldn’t find my foot. For the second time in a row, I had resigned from a coveted high profile legal advocacy organization. I couldn’t imagine that I would ever feel happy. It seemed to me happiness was for children or people who were not very bright. Then I decided to pull back from my career and just find a way to find some joy in my life. I took a job that was just a job and became devoted to finding my bliss. I began to study many different paths. I read every book on happiness, faith and spirituality that I could get my hands on. I took courses at the Open Center and talked to experts. I essentially decided to become my own mini-expert on happiness, peace and spirituality.

And it worked in a way I could have never imagined. I learned about the Celebrant USA Foundation. They were introducing a new way to affirm people from every belief system. Instantly, I knew it was for me and I started my Celebrant practice with gusto. As I worked to make sure that my brides and grooms were happy on their wedding day, I found that I became happy too. I found my path to happiness. Having the intellectual background and the practical experience of taking this journey, I have shared these tools with friends and family. I love to see peoples lives transformed. I have since made a commitment to dedicate the rest of my professional life to helping other people find happiness through my ceremonies, consultations, workshops, products, and events.

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kim Kirkley. I am a full-time wedding Celebrant and interfaith or “Modern Minister” http:://www.OurElegantCeremony.com. I delight in helping brides and grooms who struggle because they do not have a shared house of worship and desire a wedding ceremony that feels and sounds like them. I have performed more than three hundred and fifty distinctive, personalized ceremonies. I also host a praise party and offer happiness attraction coaching. I love what I do and I would like to share my formula for happiness with you and hopefully inspire you to reach for your dreams.

If you are like me, you believe the wise counsel “follow your bliss.”
What if you don’t know what your bliss is? What do you follow? After being steered onto a career path in their early twenties, most people tend to wander through our professional lives, falling into career opportunities due to chance and parents’ or other people’s opinions. Even careers we love can have difficult times. And, we change. What may have been good for us at 25 doesn’t work for us at 45. But we have children, bills and other responsibilities. How do we make room for our bliss?

Here is the key bit of insight. Sometimes we can’t change our situation but we can always change our attitude. Science has shown us that the quality of our happiness can significantly be influenced by where we focus our attention. If you are a regular reader of my ezine you know that I am a proponent of finding the silver lining every day. Whether you ask me to be your coach or not, I encourage you to keep a silver lining journal, noting difficult things and finding the silver lining – the upside. It is always there.

I am committed to sharing this knowledge with you because I know life is a jewel that is to be cherished. It is easy to let life’s daily banalities overshadow the wonder and joy of being a live. Most of us haven’t been taught much about maintaining our joy in every situation from a shrinking market to a crushing illness to the demands of parenting a toddler. We can learn how to manage life’s twists and turns and have a lot of fun doing that.

If you could find out how to upgrade the quality of your life, would you sign up?

If your answer is “Yes,” then you have found what you are looking for. We tend to approach our work life by focusing on what’s not working and we dig ourselves in deeper and deeper emotional holes. What you focus on grows. And, if you feel a little “funny” about focusing on your happiness or paying someone to help you find it you may be the type of person this System is designed for. If you are comfortable with your life and feel that “every day in every way your life is getting better and better?” You are well on your way to living your happiest life. If this reads like a foreign language for you, this philosophy will help you live a better life. In this System you will find a solution to all of these types of issues. You will learn how to attract more happiness in record time, be more authentic and stop stressing about life. I am thrilled to teach these concepts because I used them myself. I love to see people blossom and grow.

These days, I continue to cherish ceremonial moments and look forward to infusing my love for life and ceremony into each couple’s wedding day. I also delight in helping others enhance their lives, find greater joy in the moment and live better, happier, more fulfilling lives.

By the way, in order for this to work you don’t have to quit your job or make major changes. You will learn techniques to maximize your time and increase your joy.

One thing though: no whiners or Negative Nellies allowed. This program works, if you work it. If you are looking for a way to live your best life and you are open and spiritually-oriented, this should help you move to higher ground. Go ahead and call or email me now. If you are the type of person who enjoys making excuses or resisting suggestions, this program is not for you. We all support each other in this process and chronic nay-sayers are no fun and block the blessings.

How I can help you become more attractive to happiness. You will learn tips and techniques that will
• Open your heart up and increase your joy in the moment
• Inspire your capacity to be creative and earn more money
• Discover the hidden goldmines of happiness that will have you bouncing out of bed in the morning!

I feel called to do this work. I intend to be of service to as many people who would value these concepts as possible so I am offering you a simple way to be introduced to this step-by-step system. The first step is to enroll in the free Happiness Attraction Home Study System Teleseminar by send an email request to CelebrantKim@gmail.com and reserve your spot! The first teleseminar will be held on Tuesday, November 11, 2008. There are day and evening spots available. Please let me know your preference.

You can’t lose. I’ve made sampling the Happiness Attraction Home Study System as easy, inexpensive, and risk-free for you as possible. Now you just have to take advantage of it. Act now and send me an email while it is fresh in you mind. You’ll be glad you did.

Yours in happiness,
Kim Kirkley, Celebrant & “The Happiness Coach”

Kim Kirkley -- Prepare/Enrich Marital Counselor

2008-09-22T17:55:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to announce I am now a Certified Prepare/Enrich Pre-Marital/Marital Counselor!
Here is a brief overview of the new proven services that I offer!

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PREPARE/ENRICH is a program based on a set of five inventories that examine major relationship issues a couple may experience. These inventories must be administered by a trained PREPARE/ENRICH Counselor and include 4-6 feedback sessions in which the counselor facilitates discussion between the couple based on their inventory results.

The counselors are trained in the use of the Prepare/Enrich inventory to focus objectively on critical relationship issues with couples. Counselors administer and interpret the couple inventories and give feedback to couples using the six couple exercises. Each inventory is intended to assess areas in which relationships need to grow and strengths that will enable them to progress in a positive direction.

Processing of the couple inventory is offered by the counselor and the report available within 7 days.

The PREPARE/ ENRICH Inventories have been developed as comprehensive relationship assessment tools that are psychometrically strong and easy to use with couples. The goal has been the make the PREPARE/ ENRICH Inventories the most relevant and valuable tools available for working with couples across the life cycle. They are designed for couples at different stages:

Premarital couples

PREPARE (PREmarital Personal and Relationship Evaluation) is designed for couples planning to marry who do not have children.

Premarital couples with children

PREPARE-MC (PREmarital Personal and Relationship Evaluation – Marriage with Children) is designed for couples planning to marry who have children.

Married couples

ENRICH (ENRICHing and Evaluation Marriage) is designed for married couples seeking couple enrichment and counselling and couples who have cohabited for two or more years.

Couples over the age of 50

MATE (Mature Age Transition Evaluation) is designed for older couples (50 years or older) planning to marry or facing other life transitions (retirement, relocations).

PREPARE and PREPARE-MC will help:

• Identify areas of strength and growth
• Improve your communication
• Increase your ability to resolve conflict
• Gain a greater appreciation of your Family-of-Origin
• Build on your relationship strength areas
• Deal with financial goals and budget
• Discuss personal, couple and family goals

ENRICH & MATE will help:

• Expand communication
• Identify areas that may be causing difficulty
• Provide new ways of working through problems
• Improve your skills in resolving conflict

PREPARE/ENRICH Inventories:

• Are scientifically developed and designed to assess relationship strength and growth areas
• Can be used successfully with premarital and married couples
• Are designed specifically to help couples get their marriage off to a better start... to enrich their marriage
• Are diagnostic tools for those professionals who work with couples in either educational or counselling programmes

Each PREPARE/ ENRICH Inventory is a 165-item questionnaire assessing relationship strength and growth areas in these categories:

• Communication • Conflict Resolution • Personality Issues • Marriage Expectations • Financial Management • Spiritual Beliefs • Children & Parenting • Family & Friends • Sexual Relationship • Leisure Activities • Role Relationship • Couple Closeness • Family Closeness • Couple Flexibility • Family Flexibility •

hotel on rivington

2008-05-18T16:17:00.001-07:00

We know that NYC is a hip and happening city that is changing all of the time. One of the best things about the City's recent revamp is the number of new, chic boutique hotels. The hotel on rivington is a cool, joyful place to be. They offer attentive service, impeccable amenities and decor and a singular view of the City. My couple held their ceremony in the penthouse with windows all around. The City's majesty was a welcome witness to their vows. What a view! The modern, elegant setting is both impressive and warm. Most importantly, it suited the happy couple perfectly. They fell in love in Africa and, during their vows, pledged to return. The bride, groom and their guests from around the world were simply shining. After the ceremony, we all enjoyed the hotel on rivington's roof and youngsters floated little boats in the hot tub above the City -- those moments will yield many cherished memories.

A Delightful Wedding at the Newark Club

2008-05-18T15:55:00.000-07:00

I have been enjoying the most elegant ceremonies in beautiful places with stunning panoramic views. The Newark Club, in Newark, NJ, across the street from Newark's Penn Station is an often overlooked yet wonderful venue. This was a special wedding. During their ceremony the couple affirmed that they are "slightly skewed" from most folks and that they are thrilled to be uniting with someone with a "similar skew!" We laughed through the ceremony and our laughter only underscored the fact this is a great match! Their were many heartfelt touching moments too, especially during the bride's brother's solos. We were led through this remarkable ceremony by a very able and friendly wedding coordinator, Tammy Parrish. If you are looking for an event coordinator to assist you with grace, foresight and good humor, send Tammy an email inquiry -- tammy@tparrish.net. You will be impressed!

Change We Can Believe In

2008-02-11T18:24:00.000-08:00

My work as a Celebrant ultimately does work toward the greater good. It does more than reinforces islands of privilege and the illusion of insulation from the exploitation and war that the vast majority of the world’s people face. It is the antidote! Love is the only force in the world that creates real and enduring change. I use my power and gravitas as a black woman to encourage people to recognize and bask in the light of our essential humanness – the things that we have in common. All of us want to love and be loved.

I bask in the attention and approval of others, but it is not just about me. I represent a people whose humanity has been degraded for hundreds of years. The most barbaric practices and assumptions continue to be imposed on black people (and women, children and the poor). However, I humbly believe that by standing before people from all backgrounds and calling forward our purest motivations – I represent black people and women in general in a worthwhile and meaningful way. To perform a wedding ceremony is to stand in an ancient and powerful space. It has been a battle for women to be able to lead such events and to have a black person stand before people – black and non-black -- and encourage them to feel and reflect my “humanness” as I tap into their humanness is to remind them that we are all deserving human beings with unlimited potential.

I may return to my work as a lawyer fighting for human rights. It is a good use of my skills and advances the cause of human dignity for all -- But it is not the only way to reach this end. My work as a Celebrant is a worthy path too.

In this spirit, I support Senator Barack Obama for President of the United States of America. He represents real change and the ability to follow through in a way that will help the many – not the few. For more information on Senator Obama, please visit www.BarackObama.com. He offers change we can believe in.

Yes we can!

2008 will be Great!

2007-11-15T13:22:00.000-08:00

I am happy to say that I am getting quite a few calls from brides and grooms planning their 2008 and even 2009 weddings. They often begin with -- "I know it is early but...." Well, it is not too early. If you are getting married between May and October, you are getting married in "high season" and top wedding vendors begin to book up! For people like me, who offer services uniquely tailored to each couple, there is a limited number of clients I can work with. That is why I encourage all couple's interested in my services to schedule their free, no obligation
meeting with me early.

Civil Unions New Jersey

2007-09-27T11:36:00.000-07:00

Although I am open to travelling to perform a wedding ceremony, most of the ceremonies I perform are in Manhattan and Brooklyn. This weekend, I had the good fortune to stand up with a wonderful couple in New Jersey. For the first time since civil unions were legalized in NJ, I had a look at a NJ Marriage license and I was thrilled. The information regarding solemnizing civil unions is listed right along with the information regarding marriage licenses. Although the laws are not the same, it was heart-warming to see that same-sex couples were informed along with other couples. It looks like the state is showing respect for human beings, regardless of sexual orientation and that is a good thing.

A Wonderful Wednesday Wedding!

2007-09-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

Wednesday is a wonderful day for a wedding! This Wednesday I had the privilege of marrying a beautiful couple from Australia. They chose one of the most picturesque places on earth -- Central Park, NYC and exchanged their vows at a boat landing near Bow Bridge with classical musicians on hand.

Wednesday was a great day for a wedding for three reasons: First, September is probably the most beautiful month in New York -- there is very little humidity and the days are warm and clear; and, Second, because it is such a stunning beautiful time, the Park is crowded on the weekends but mid-week, it feels like the splendor is just for you and your guests with a few onlookers just to remind you that you are in the fabulous international city that is NYC. Third, although the couple did not choose to share their personal love story, the love that they felt for each other shined through and inspired everyone -- family, friends, and onlookers. True love -- That's the quality that makes all of the other aspects of anyone's wedding day really memorable and worthwhile.

STAR Early College High School at Erasmus Hall

2007-07-05T12:35:00.000-07:00

Last week I had the privilege of delivering the invocation for the Science, Technology and Research (STAR) Early College High School at Erasmus Hall, Brooklyn College. And, it definitely reinforced the lesson that you get what you give -- my purpose was to inspire and the students inspired me. When I left that graduation ceremony, as if in a Spike Lee movie, I felt like I was gliding. Each graduate received a high school diploma and had earned a substantial number of college credits. Every single one of them will attend college! From Cornell, to Dartmouth, to Penn State, to SUNY - Buffalo, to CUNY to Polytechnic University. Like any good ceremony, from the students, to the teachers, families and administrators, I could feel the joy, the hope and the love in the auditorium. The light that these "STARS" emanated could light the darkest room. In spite of all the problems in the world, because of these accomplished, diligent young people we could see a brighter future for us all. Now ain't that good news!

By the way, the most famous graduate of Erasmus is Barbara Streisand!

Modern Bride Trendsetters of 2007

2007-05-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

I had the honor of being invited to this year's celebration for Modern Bride Trendsetters of 2007 at the New York Palace Hotel. It was a truly grand event with a red carpet, lights, cameras and lots of celebrities: Deepak Chopra, Lance Armstrong, Michael J. Fox and Tracey Pollen were presenters. The new honorees included, designer extraordinaire, Carolina Herrera, a hip international dj, Donna D'Cruz, Virgin's "boundless entrepeneur," Richard Branson, the "wedding menu master," Abigail Kirsch, and Jenna Lyons, the chief collaborator for the J. Crew wedding collection.

I had the honor of sitting with a wonderful 2007 Trendsetter, Kathy Jo Peterson. She is known as the "Worldly Wedding Planner." For 15 years, she was the personal assistant to a Saudi prince and today she treats all of her brides and grooms like royalty. She is an expert at weaving marriage customs from different traditions into beautiful, meaningful wedding ceremonies. Most importantly, she has a great heart. I laughed with her and her friend all evening.

The enchanted evening was concluded by a special musical performance by the fabulous Bacon Brothers with the lead singer, Kevin Bacon! As you can probably tell, I had a delightful time!

Tips For Planning Your Very Special Wedding Ceremony

2007-04-05T12:16:00.001-07:00

Some of the couples, who visit me to see if I am the right officiant for their wedding, are hesitant. They know what they do not want in a wedding ceremony – but are unsure about what they do want. With every ceremony my goal is to discover their wedding ceremony wish list and deliver their ceremony with sincerity and enthusiasm. This is part of the fun for me. I love giving couples the room to envision a ceremony that reflects who they are, their beliefs, values and dreams for the future. I do this by asking questions, really listening to their answers and offering possibilities. Two of the questions that I ask that may help you as you envision your wedding are:

1. What would you – the bride and groom -- like to experience due to your wedding ceremony?

2. What would you like your guests to experience due to your wedding ceremony?

Also, remember the things that drew you to each other, the reasons that you are choosing each other and your desires for your future. Share your memories with your partner. These memories can lend themselves to customized vows or even rituals. I will never forget the bride who would call me every week or so leading up to her ceremony asking if she could do such and such and if other people have done such and such. I answered every question with “Yes, you can do that! People have done that.” She was so relieved and encouraged. We ended up creating a beautiful ceremony that reflected who she and her groom were, authentically. No more cookie-cutter ceremonies!

Planning your wedding ceremony has the potential to launch you into your “new” life with meaning and joy. In fact, this should be the best part of planning your special day.

Cheers!
Kim

It is Spring!

2007-04-01T22:33:00.000-07:00

I had the good fortune to celebrate a wedding at the Palm House of the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens this weekend -- now I know it is spring. A beautiful, loving couple in a beautiful place with the earth waking up all around us. I went looking for the world famous cherry blossoms and I could see the shimmering buds on the trees -- such a treat. In a couple of weeks they will be full and glorious.

The couple enhanced their special day by having dear friends participate in as many ways as possible. The highlights for me were the joyful tunes the flutist played and the way the bride and groom looked at each other. One of the guests asked me how I would describe the ceremony, I said that it was broadly spiritual and he filled in "And, specifically human." I couldn't have put it any better.

Happy Spring!

Modern Bride Trendsetter

2007-03-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today I visited the Modern Bride offices. It was such fun. As a Modern Bride Trendsetter 2005, they asked me about my experiences as a Trendsetter and my perspective on weddings.

I was thrilled to find out I was scheduled right after Colin Cowie. I have admired him and his work for so many years. Although I didn't get a chance to meet him, I'm hoping to at the annual awards dinner in May. I will definitely have pictures of the grand event for you!

Cheers!

The Work of the Heart

2007-03-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

Keynote address to the NYC Celebrant Chapter's Inaugural Meeting
(modified for presentation here)

I love being a Celebrant. It is said that every institution is a shadow of its founder. This particular organization has been and will be a wonderful thing that brings joy and meaning to people’s lives because that is who our founder is.

Six years ago Cindy, saw an ad in the Montclair Times for people with a background in the humanities who wanted a rewarding vocation giving other people the ceremonies they desire. She brought it to work and changed my life. I knew instantly that this idea would work. In a place as diverse as New York City I knew that people would need Celebrant services. I had no idea that I needed this work -- that being a Celebrant would touch me so deeply and make me a better person.

Some people wonder why I would give up practicing law to become a Celebrant. If you know me you know that I have always had a passion for social justice. I did a lot of good work before I became a Celebrant.

But Celebrancy, is the work I was born to do. That is because this work touches people in ways that protests and civil rights laws never could. Celebrancy is extraordinary. It opens peoples hearts. It helps everyone to see that our differences are not to be feared. I perform mostly weddings. Most of the couples I marry are not religious. However, their guests usually are and they are used to religious ceremonies. They are taking a risk by attending something new. Often at least one parent believes very strongly that the couple should be married in a church or at least by a man. I will never forget the Italian-American patriarch, who the bride warned me about. After the ceremony, I saw him approaching me and I braced myself. He looked me in the eyes and told me that he thinks that is the best wedding he has ever attended.

I believe that is because the bride, groom and I created a ceremony that touched on universal values – the love that the bride and groom shared; their happiness to have their friends and family there with them; and their hopes for the future.

Another important thing that we do as Celebrants is we work toward connecting to our listeners. When I am speaking I imagine red velvet cords of connectivity going from my heart to the listeners. I try to always look at everyone with love in my heart. We honor people with our gaze -- With our deep listening -- With our respect and attention -- With the care we take in choosing our words and tone of our voices. This means so much because we all are touched by another’s attention, validation and sharing. The essence of each human being is we are the same: We grieve. We hope. We love. We need each other to feel fully human. We tell each other stories in order to survive.

In addition to giving us an understanding of who we really are, Celebrancy provides a better understanding of what the world is really like -- An understanding that is not affirmed in popular culture. Television, the most dominant force in popular culture, is preoccupied by so-called reality shows that ridicule and demean people and shows that focus on crime and murder. The nightly newscasts focus on what is wrong with our communities and the world. This is not most people’s reality. Most people are good, honest and loving.

Celebrant’s show us the real “real world.” We gather people together to celebrate life. The most touching ceremony I ever performed was a funeral that would not have happened if Celebrants did not exist. The deceased was an atheist and to respect his wishes his family would have simply put him in the ground. However, they found us and together we crafted a beautiful ceremony that acknowledged his gruff, hard-working, family-loving, poker playing ways and finally imagined him at the great poker game in the sky. That is reality. That is what we get to embrace at a Celebrant ceremony. We see people honoring each other for who they are -- The easy parts of the personality and sometimes the difficult parts of the personality. We see people choosing each other. This is what we need. This is what the ancient stories taught our ancestors. Life is not really about crime, ridicule or political maneuvering. Life is about valuing life, family and community. This is what we do.

Being a Celebrant has been so wonderful to me and for me because it encourages me to focus, to hone in on what it means to be human and to sprinkle these good feelings like Johnny Appleseed, like our icons. It reinforces for me that this business of being alive is a wonderful and meaningful thing. I’ll never forget the bride who had been turned down by so many ministers before she found me that when I said, “Yes, I will perform your ceremony” she burst into tears. Or the guest who, after attending a destination wedding in Central Park, grabbed my arms and asked me, “Where did you learn this?!”

It is said that if you come from the heart, the heart will hear. If you come from the intellect, the intellect will hear. If you come from the truth, the truth will be stirred up in us and we will move closer. To live in the truth, is to live the essence of life. I submit to you that is the gift that we as Celebrants offer the world.

We are very fortunate to be Celebrants in this time in human history because, the world is ready for us now. We really are a global community. We see the bad things going on and we see the good. We know that we need the security of home, of family and friends because tomorrow is not promised. We know not the false security of the past but the truth of today which includes the bad and the good, things that we agree with and things that we don’t. Most importantly, today we have room in our hearts for everyone

Celebrants do the work of the heart. We encourage people to operate from their hearts. We enrich these all to rare opportunities for meaningful social contact. This kind of exchange helps individuals, families, and communities heal and grow.

After one ceremony I remember one guest came up to me with her eyes shining saying, “my heart chakra is spinning.” I knew I performed a good ceremony because I touched her. If you put your heart, your intellect and the universal truths into your ceremonies, the universe will respond in kind and you will not be able to measure your rewards.

The mystic Andrew Harvey says, “If you are really listening, if you are awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold ever more wonders.” Let us all go forward facilitating experiences for our clients, our families, our communities and ourselves that will cause our hearts to burst open with more and more wonders.

Thank you.