Is Marriage Worth It?

If you want to be really happy, marriage is virtually the only external change you can make to be the happiest you can be. Surprised? I was too. Let's face it. Marriage gets a bad rap. But, that's just wrong. Marriage is not a dying or dreaded institution. In fact, 96% of college students, according to a Louis Harris survey intend to marry or are already married. They know that “having close family relationships is a key to happiness,” as reported in "Generation 2001: A Survey of the First College Graduating Class of the New Millennium," conducted in 1997-1998 by Louis Harris and Associates for Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance.

In almost every way, people in secure romantic relationships just do better. Experience shows us that marriage is a cushion for life's inevitable bumps. With the state of the world, we could all use a better cushion.

So how do you strengthen your marriage?

Marriage researcher John Gottman (www.gottman.com) has found that it takes an extra five hours per week for a couple to improve their marriages. Here is what they do:

Tip number one: When saying goodbye in the morning they find out at least one thing their partner will do during the day. (2 minutes x 5 days = 10 minutes)
Tip number 2: At the end of the day they have a stress free reunion conversation. (20 minutes x 5 days = 1 hour, 40 minutes)
Tip number 3: Touching, holding, kissing, grabbing - in a word, affection, imbued with tenderness and forgiveness. (5 minutes x 7 days = 35 minutes)
Tip number 4: Date night - just the two of them not talking about the kids or troubles - it's all about their love. (2 hours once a week)
Tip number 5: At least once every day genuinely admire and appreciate their partner. (5 minutes x 7 days - 35 minutes)

Why put in the work?

As Martin Seligman notes in Authentic Happiness, "Marriage is a more potent happiness factor than satisfaction with job, or finances, or community.' In fact, there are few stronger predictors of happiness than a close, nurturing, equitable, intimate, lifelong companionship with one's best friend.' It is the married who have best withstood the privations of rural poverty, the Great Depression, and wars."

Marriage gives us the three kinds of love that humans need to feel happy: the love of one who comforts us (like a child for a parent); the love of one who depends on us (like a parent for a child) and romantic love (the idealization of a peer). Marriage is an awe-inspiring relationship that brings all of these needs together, as one.


So, yes, marriage is worth it. And, the more you work it, the better it gets. On to a sweeter, stronger cushion - a happier marriage!

Two More!

Coindre Hall, Huntington, New York!
The Empire State Building, New York, New York!
These are the sites of two more extraordinary weddings that I performed in 2009.
Christopher Duggan of www.ThresholdVisions.com took the magical photos above. Does it get any dreamier than this?

Happy Holidays to All! Here's to a prosperous, healthy, stupendous 2010!

Cheers!
Kim

Ceremonies Better than Imagined!

The 2009 wedding season has been spectacular! This year I had the privilege of creating and performing inspiring, heart-centered ceremonies with independent thinking couples in many beautiful venues that I visited for the first time:

On a Row Boat in the Pond at Central Park, NY, NY!
The Bridgehampton Tennis and Surf Club, Bridgehampton, NY
Duckwalk Vineyards North, Southold, New York
The Vanderbilt, Staten Island, NY
The Soho House, New York, NY
Dyker Beach Golf Course, Brooklyn, NY
The River Room of Harlem, Riverbank State Park, NY, NY
New Song Community Church, New York, NY
6BC Botanical Garden, NY, NY
The Gramercy Park Hotel, NY, NY
Raphael Vineyard and Winery, Peconic, NY
24 Fifth Avenue @ Washington Park, New York, NY
Jericho Terrace, Mineola, New York

And, of course, I loved returning to some of the most beautiful places in the world:
Iconic Central Park --
Hernshead, Ladies Pavillion, Bow Bridge, Angel of the Waters Fountain at Bethesda Terrace, Gapstow Bridge
The Boathouse at Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY
The Brooklyn Society for Ethical Culture, Brooklyn, NY
The Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, Brooklyn, NY
The Metropolitan Building, Long Island City, NY
Bridgewaters, New York, New York
The Waldorf-Astoria, NY, NY
The Midtown Loft, NY, NY
Studio 450, New York, New York

As we enter the "Engagement Season" I would really appreciate it if you suggest that any couple
who would like a wedding ceremony that is meaningful, distinctly theirs and unforgettable visit
my website: www.OurElegantCeremony.com and see if I may be the right choice for them as they
craft their ceremony and set the tone for the grand adventure ahead!

You Experience the Most Elegant, Personalized Ceremony You Have Ever Imagined -- Or It's Free!!!

My Promise to You:

"If all you want is a cookie-cutter, 'change the bride and groom's names ceremony,' I respectfully ask that you call someone else. You and your guests will feel that my delivery of your elegant, authentic ceremony is teh most meaningful, memorable and sincere ceremony you have ever heard or your money back! You ceremony -- this once in a lifetime opportunity to appreciate life and love -- will be delivered with genuine emotion for all to hear and appreciate. If you are not pleased, I will refund your payment!" ~ Kim Kirkley

Here is another testimonial:
Dear Kim,
We cannot thank you enough for making our wedding day ever so memorable. Our guests all noted that you made each and everyone of them feel part of the ceremony, both on a personal and spiritual level. Ronnie and I feel privileged to have had you as our Celebrant, consecrating our bond.
Warmest regards,
Amy & Ronnie
Their ceremony took place at The Waldorf-Astoria

* 100% Moneyback Guarantee
* Same-Sex Couples Welcome
* Elegant, Authentic Ceremony Process TM
* Pre/Marital Coaching Available
* Payment Plans Available

Don't Gamble When Choosing the Person Who Sets the Tone for Your Ceremony, Wedding Day & the Grand Adventure that Lays Ahead!

Celebrant Kim Kirkley is dedicated to making your ceremony elegant, distinctly yours and unforgettable! Since 2002, she has personally celebrated more than 400 weddings -- so she won't be "practicing" on yours.

Raving Fan!

This couple went through premarital Coaching with me and are just wonderful!

Kim,

Thank you so much for participating in our big day. We’ve had a number of compliments about the ceremony and your performance under less than ideal weather conditions. We had a wonderful time, were pleased with how things went, and really enjoyed working with you. And personally, until we met at the Marriot I couldn’t see how we were going to do a ceremony at all. Working with you really helped me see what was possible in a ceremony, and that it was possible to transform something that has a lot of weight and tradition into something that we felt a connection to. One of my few regrets is that after spending so much time with you we didn’t get to visit with you more on Saturday, but I feel that way about the guests too as we were being pulled in 105 directions at once.

We hope you enjoyed yourself Saturday, and we hope to see you again in the future!

Thank you again!
Ed

Baby Dedication, Baptism, Welcoming, Naming Ceremony

I am delighted that I have been performing more baby dedications, blessings, baptisms, naming and welcoming ceremonies in the NYC area. Depending on the belief system, these ceremonies are called many things. There is one thing that every one of them shares, a sense of boundless joy and optimism because there is a new life in the family. Baby dedications are wonderful because they give unaffiliated families a meaningful and heartfelt way to celebrate. Many times the parents are couples I have married, other times they are folks who found me just to honor their child. The couple you see above are my neighbors and I was thrilled to performed their darling daughter's dedication. It is a wonderful thing to be able to help people honor their families, ancestors and feel a part of their community. I look forward to celebrating many more new arrivals.

One thing that many people often don't consider is having a welcoming ceremony for a child that is in your life due to marriage or adoption. I believe that we need to find a way to let every child in our families and communities know that we are glad to share this earth with them. As an African proverb states, "Children are the reward of life." A ceremony is a great way for all of us to cherish these living treasures.

A Bride & Groom Make a Difference in Bed-Stuy

Here's the press release for a wonderful event. Jen and Hooper, the couple that I married on April 5, 2009 in Central Park at the Ladies Pavillion, made a sizable donation to the Bedford Stuyvesant Volunteer Ambulance Corp. In a gesture of good will, I donated my services to the couple and in turn they presented a donation to the award-winning volunteer ambulance corp in my under-served community. The Bedford-Stuyvesant Volunteer Ambulance Corp is a grass-roots organization that saves lives and over the years has fostered the careers of 5 doctors, and hundreds of emergency medical technicians. Their website is http://www.bsvac.org.

PRESS RELEASE


RECESSION REJECTION: WEDDING CELEBRANT AND HER CLIENTS CONTINUE TO GIVE IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES
A marriage unites the boroughs in action for a worthy cause when a wedding Celebrant trades her services for donation to a volunteer ambulance service.

Queens couple Jen Bandini and Hooper Turner were planning their wedding and searching for a secular officiant to perform the ceremony. The two artists were working on a tight budget yet, but as soon as they met Kim Kirkley, they knew they wanted her to officiate. Kirkley, a Brooklyn resident, offered her services in exchange for a donation to a charity. Together they chose the Bedford-Stuyvesant Volunteer Ambulance Corps, the nation’s first minority-run volunteer ambulance corps, which was founded in 1988. The donation will be made in person to this award-winning community group on….

As weddings can often be self-centered events, Bandini and Turner welcomed the opportunity to give aid to others while celebrating their union. They also feel that Kirkley’s willingness to trade her time in order to enable this act of charity deems her a caring and conscientious person, exactly the kind of person they would wish to officiate. The couple have an interest in community groups as Bandini has helped start and run a program that donates books to prisoners in the Southeast as well as a volunteer-run vegan café and library in the Northwest. Both have been teachers, and welcome any opportunity to better their community.

Kirkley was the one who introduced the couple to the BSVAC. A Modern Bride Trendsetter and modern minister since 2002, Kim Kirkley of www.OurElegantCCeremony.com was troubled that economic concerns were preventing people from giving to worthy organizations like the Bedford Stuyvesant Volunteer Ambulance Corp, who are operating out of a trailer as they wait for their new facility to be finished. Having moved to Bed-Stuy in the last year, Kirkley, is impressed by BSVAC’s commitment to providing emergency medical response to this underserved area. Kirkley says, “I like knowing that people in my neighborhood have access to quick, professional care in emergency situations. No one plans to need an ambulance and we know that the quicker someone receives help the more likely it is that they will be able to make a full recovery. I like feeling that the donation of my services and Jen and Hooper’s financial contribution will make it easier for BSVAC to do what they do so well – help a neighbor at a crucial time. Their volunteer efforts are the kinds of things that make Bed-Stuy a wonderful place to live. I am glad to be able to honor BSVAC in this way.”